6 days and counting/ Happy B-day Bobby and Megan

I really am starting to get nervous about surgery but then I put my faith in God and know that all will be okay. I think I am more nervous about what is on the other side of surgery. Chemo, radiation or both.
This whole journey really teaches you a lesson in ego. Yes I may loose my hair and yes my skin may get discolored. I have always loved my hair. I guess the good thing is I will be able to be blond one day and brunette the next if I do loose my hair. Lets just pray that does not happen. I think I have handled all of this thus far but that might push me a little bit. I can tell you life is a lot different when you slow down in the rat race and smell the coffee, look at the trees, see the unconditional love from your spouse, the love from family, the love from friends and the look of your children's smiling faces when you walk thru the door. My oldest Alyssa ans my 5 year old Alexa have taken this the hardest. Alyssa has cried many times. Alexa cries now every time I go to work. She understands enough that she is glued to my side. Jake is more the introvert and holds it all in. Of course the youngest two are to little to understand. My other four kids I really do not like the word step have been very supportive. I am also thankful to my family and friends. My mother and my mother in law in Canada call almost daily to give their support. My oldest sister has also been a big help with the kids and some of you know hacking into my blog and posting shameless pictures. As I close out today I have to also say Happy b-day to my wonderful husband Bobby and my Hollywood niece Megan.
Love to all,
Cara Cares

My Dr. Called Good news and unexpected news

Well yesterday afternoon I got a call from my surgeon. She is a very sweet lady and her and her staff have taken great care of me. I was so busy in work I had almost forgot that I was waiting on MRI results. Well it is the same as the other results cancer appeared just in the left breast. I also was asking questions about the surgery and recovery that I forgot to ask the first time because of extreme shock. First I will have two incisions. They Dr. will have a prelim about my Lymph Nodes during surgery and then will know whether to take them out or not. Then a few days after surgery I will know whether I have to do Chemo or radiation or both. The unexpected news is that the Dr. told me I have to be off work for two weeks. My reply was no way. Bobby and I solely support the 5 that live with us right now plus have to pay child support for his other four. So I guess we will play it by ear. Lets pray no more than a week off. It is crazy how their are so many different variables that play into what happens. The only for sure is God and his power over situations so since everything else is uncertain. I am placing my faith in God.
Love to all,
Cara Cares

1 week and counting till surgery

I am very ready to rid my body of the Cancer but I am still nervous about the surgery. The surgery itself makes me nervous and I want my lymph nodes to be clear. It is like waitng for judgement day. It will also decide how my life will play out. I am trying to do my part my eating healthy and no sugars. The only thing I have not been able to give up yet is coffee in the morning. I have replaced my afternoon Dr. Pepper with a cup of green tea. We had a really nice weekend with the kids celebrating Bobby's b-day which is this week. I have also learned be careful what you wish for. I wanted to loose my baby weight but if I knew that entailed cancer I would of just stayed a little chubby. Everyone knows my husband is Italian they do not like skinny anyways. They like curves which after 5 kids I have! It is sooo nice to be loved just the way I am. I am going to work and spend time with my family this week to make sure this week goes by quickly. I am finishing up my will just because it needs to be done anyway and I need to make sure I protect my children's future. Bobby, I and my family are committed to my children and their well being. Our therapist has us doing a family project this week. We are each drawing my cancer and the cure as we see it. As the time goes on we will keep drawing the picture again and see how our perspective changes. Well I have got to get ready and leave for the office.
Please keep the comments coming they reayy lift my spirits.
Love to all!
Cara Cares

Sister's are wonderful!

As you can see from the previous blog being the youngest sister of three was quite the adventure. I was tortured to the extreme but when push comes to shove my sisters are there for me. I know at times it is hard on them me being the cutest and all but I got the short end of the stick health wise. The great thing about having a blog is I can post equally as bad pictures of my older sister. Yes much older sisters !! Love ya sis!!
Today had been a good and distracting day. We have Bobby's boys and celebrating Bobby's 41st b-day. Yes of course I burned the cake a little. Something about when I married Bobby I lost all cooking ability. Good thing he is a great cook and prefers to do all the cooking. I love my hubby and look forward to many more birthdays with him.
I am 8 days from surgery and ready to get this cancer out of my body. I am praying for a quick recovery and easy radiation treatments. In my mind chemo is not going to be anything I have to do. I am putting that into the universe and know my lymph nodes will be fine. Positive vibes!!
I have to work Bobby and I have 9 kids we have to support. I may be holding a sign by the end of all this.
Will work for food!! LOL
Love to all!
Cara Cares

Snuggle Bunny

I'm hijacking Cara's blog!!!  I'm her oldest sister, Chelley.  I had to share this picture of Cara and Izzie I took last Sunday.  I think Izzie and the picture of Cara (on the right of the blog) look a lot alike.  Cara is brave, she has given me the password to her blog, knowing that I have LOTS of blackmail pictures of her.  She was quiet the weird little sister!!!  So, if there is lots of interest, I might have to post a couple.  If by chance, I get locked out of here (because Cara changes the password, you can check out my blog at http://chelleyjohnson.blogspot.com --- (I know a shameless plug)  I might have to post a few there.

Toodles,

Chelley

New Life and continued journey

Well today my new nephew was born Carston Stryker Silva. He is the second child for my sister Cheryl. He was a healthy 8lbs. Praise God he is in good health.
Bobby and I went for my MRI and EKG today and yes I learned my lesson and let him come with me. He is so wonderful. He stands by me thru thick and thin. It is rare to find the one that completes you but he truly does. I got the nerve up to call the Dr. specialist that ignored me and put me on prednisone today. I told his office just to let you know I am not just a stressed out and tired mother of five I have breast cancer. With in a few hours I got a call back from their I guess PR person who wanted to know what they could do for me to make the situation better. I told them one thing. Next time a 33 year old healthy female comes in persistent that something is not right do not watch your 15 minute clock and count your dollar bu take the time to listen and actually care about the person. If I had left his office and followed his advice I probably would not be here in a year. Thank goodness my primary Dr. was committed to helping me and cared about me the person. He told me on day one he would not stop till we figured it out and he kept true to his promise. I will be forever grateful to him for saving my life. After that I spoke with a wonderful lady today who has survived ovarian cancer for 5 years. She is such a blessing just talking to her. I could feel her best wishes and God's holy spirit thru the phone. I feel my purpose evolving and God's light showing me the way. I am faithful and here waiting and listening.
Love to all!
Cara Cares

Weird experience but good outcome

As you all know I posted the petscan was clear other then the cancer in the left breast. I was so happy and celebrated. I was so worried that if it had spread what about my kids, husband and family. I am too young etc.. I do have to tell of my experience with the petscan. Being that I have never had cancer I did not realize that the petscan was for cancer screening. I assumed that I was just going to some imaging center which handled a variety of scans. Well I walk in this room with elderly patients mind you I am 33 years old. On every wall, magazine, new article and handout was about cancer. Not only that but the music was the kind of music I had experienced at every funeral I had ever been to. Bobby had insisted the night before he was going with me but being the independemt person I am told him there was no need. I am a big girl and this is a simple scan. Everyone that knows Bobby understands he is by my side for everything. When Anthony and Bella where in the hospital. When I was hospitalized. Just always and amazing support to me. So needless to say he was less then thrilled I was doing this alone. I just thought well I will have so much to go thru he can not take that much time off. There are other things he can be there for. I swallowed my pride and called him from the waiting room to tell him of my first impressions of this adventure. I got a bold I told you so!
It gets better. I get taken back to this room that was freezing that I have to drink this milky barium junk and then get injected with the glucose substance and my veins are not being kind to the nurse so it takes to of them to get it injected with the needle wiggling in my vein. I get wrapped up in 5 warm blankets a tv turned on for me and just the sweetest people there to help with my every need. I am sitting there thinking are they really this nice or is it that I have cancer that they are being nice to me? After a hour I get taken to the scan machine which I was told looked like a cat scan but was more like half of a MRI which by the way I am terrified of.
I sucked it up and said I can do this. I had to hold my arms over my head for 30 minutes which by the end I could not feel. Then I was given a goody bag with cancer information snack crackers, cheese its and juice. I am not telling all of you this to complain but just to say what an weird, surreal and awakening experience. Just know I have come to the point where I have accepted I have cancer and that I am going to make it thru this. I am over for today the devastation that I felt so overwhelmed by at first. You go thru so many emotions at first. Today is really my first okay day where I did not think about it 24/7. This is a good point to be at. I could not of done this with out the support of family and friends. The support and love I felt has been so amazing. I need each and everyone of you. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with so many precious people in my life. I am very lucky God has his purpose for everything that happens in life and God has a great purpose in my life.
Love to all!
Cara Cares

Petscan

Just got a call from the doctor. The petscan is clear!!! The cancer has NOT spread thru my body. It appears to be contained to the breast.
They will confirm my lymph nodes during surgery on 5-5-08.
Prayers are being answered. Thank you my dear GOD!!!

Waiting!

Today I should have the results of the pet scan. I am about to head to work and hope the day goes by fast. It is like your sitting and hearing the clock ticking waiting for the phone to ring.
I had a long conversation with a friend last night. They have a grudge with a family member that they have not spoken to in years. The one thing I have learned thru all of this is a different perspective. I have learned we are all so petty and let ego and pride get in the way. Once we move those things out of the way what a peaceful view of the world we will all have. Now with that said it does take two to make things right but if you change yourself at least you have done what you can to make the situation better. You can not change the past only the future.

I do have some good news Bella got her first tooth last night. She is at the most precious stage. I pick her up and she reaches for my face and gives me the biggest kiss. Such a precious moment! When I am rocking her she reaches up with one hand and touches my face and just smiles at me. If I do not sing her song right away she starts humming to herself. So cute!
I hope you all have a good day. Say prayers that the scan comes out clean. Be kind to those around you. Your kindness will live on forever.
Love to all!
Cara Cares

Petscan Day

Well last night my 20 month old statrted running a fever and wanted only his mommy. So needless to say pretty tired today. I can not have my morning coffeee because I have my Petscan today which is a total body scan to make sure the cancer has not spread anywhere else.
Please pray to God that the cancer is contained and no where else in my body. I am trying to be proactive in my treatments. I watch what I eat and put in my body, listening to music, praying and reading. Some how I just have to figure out how do I go on each day and not think cancer 24/7. I can not seem to get it off my mind. I broke down yesterday and just cried in my husband's arms how scared I am. I know I am going to be fine but this whole concept is frightening. I look at my little ones and just.... I hope everyone enjoys the pics of my kiddos. I will have to get a picture of Jake he was to busy playing to get his picture taken. He promised my he would let me take one this week. Lots of prayers please.
Love to all,
Cara Cares

pictures

Good Day and Reflective

Yesterday was a wonderful time with Bobby's kiddos. We took Cody, Justin and Tyler to eat with us and we also had Alexa, Anthony and Bella. We went to eat some sushi!! Cody and Justin now love it since their other mommy got them started in eating in about a year ago. They are becoming little sushi pro's. Tyler just liked getting chopsticks. After that we went back to their house for me to have a heart to heart with Meaghan. She was very supportive and really growing into a beautiful young lady. It is amazing how people can break down walls when faced with adversity and I pray this is a healing time for all. We visited about 45 minutes then went to Sonic for floats and slush's. We did something we have not done in a long time we went to a nearby park that Bobby use to coach soccer at and the boys , Alexa and Bobby played soccer.
The boys enjoyed trying to school their old man. Of course my little princess Alexa turns into a soccer playing machine on the field. She loved showing off what her daddy Bobby has taught her. Anthony impressed his older brother's with his dribbling ability. He also picked up every piece of trash he saw made sure he took it to the nearest trash can. OMGoodness another BOBBY!!! Cody, Justin and Tyler were amazed at the energy their little brother has. Tyler told me that Bella looks like a little baby doll so pretty and cute. So yes over all a great day! It was hard having to tell them the news but i feel like now I have even more supporters behind me.
They were sad but I kept reassuring them I am going to be fine and I am a fighter. I have been looking for a fight song to listen to so any suggestions would be great. Please make sure everyone leaves me comments it really helps me not feel alone and able to get thru this. I need all of you!! This all really helps you realize how petty you can be sometimes and how to let go. When all is said at the end of the day what is it about? It is about how we live our life and what difference we can make in someone's life. Family and friends and loving them each and everyday to the fullest!!
Love to all!
Cara Cares

Soccer game and park date with our other four children

Today we have Alexa's soccer game. She is a little go getter. She plays great defense but loves to score goals also. She already is great at negotiating. 1 goal is ice cream, 2 goals is a barbie and 3 goals is a movie. Bobby is referring Alexa's game today which I think we be great for him. Anyone who knows him knows his love of soccer. Let's just say that our 20 month old can already dribble a ball and stop the ball with his foot. Alyssa and Jake have gone to visit Aunt Chelley to get a break from the situation and just get to have fun. After the game today we are going to pick up Bobby's other four children to deliver the news to them. I may be the step mom but I know that Bobby's kids love me very much and I also love them. Infact his son Justin asked me to marry Bobby two times before Bobby proposed. They live with their mother but they are still very close to our hearts. Being a merged family is hard on everyone but we are committed to making it better as each day goes by. The kids range from 17 to 11 years old.
Amazing children!Please pray that the news will not be to hard on them and that we will have a great day of fun togehter.
Love to all!
Cara Cares

TGIF

Thank goodness today is Friday. Last night was our company party and I am exhausted. It was very nice to see so many supportive and kind faces. The surgery consult went well.
So far from what they can tell is I have a Grade 2 out of 3 which means moderate growth. It looks like it is in the early stages of a 1-2 out of 0-4. I have a few test to do next week. I am doing a petscan where they inject me with a glucose substance then scan my body from head to toe. They also are doing a breast MRI and other pre op test. As long as all stays the same and no suprises then I am scheduled for a lumpectomy on May 5th. The day before my two year anniversary. I told Bobby we could celebrate the weekend before i want this cancer out of my body ASAP. I will then start radiation about 3 weeks post op for 6 weeks five days a week. The pathology will determine if and how much chemo. I know many people say great it is early and all will be well and I know that but there is something that just does not allow that to be completely settling for me. The reality is I have cancer what is okay about that??Get this thing out of me and lets go on. I have to much to do, see, say and be! I will tell you I do know there is a purpose for this experience. I know God has some plan in store for me. I do not know what yet but that is the one certain I know. Thank you to the many people who have called and emailed. It means the world to me.
Love to all! Cara Cares

Surgery consult day

Well I think reality set in last night. I had a meltdown. I really want to be strong and l know that all will be okay. It has to be I have 5 kids that need me here and a husband that loves me like no other. It is like I am watching the people I love crumble around me. Alyssa and Alexa cried several times last night. Alexa will not let me out of her sight. She wants to sleep in my room, go to work with me and just be held by me constantly. I try to give each of the kids the full support they need. I try to reassure them but I am sure they know their mommy is scared. Jake worries me because he is very withdrawn. Bobby seems to be falling apart right before my eyes. He is in the angry stage right now. Why my wife why her WHY??
I am not trying to be a bummer today but I really want to be honest each day with how I am feeling. Honestly this is the scariest thing I have ever dealt with. I want to reach in my body and pull this cancer out and be done with it. I prayed so hard last night with God that he would completely heal me. I truly think that God knows when we have had enough. I have had my fill. I just came thru two tough pregnancies that Bobby and I were told would ot make it. Well we had our faith and now have two beautiful babies. I will speak this each day until I am healed. God please give me the strength to get thru each day and be a blessing to someone each and everyday. God please heal my body and rid me of this cancer. God I am not finished here and I know you have more for me to do. I pray your annointing on me and your protective spirit on me thru each and every step I take. God help me this is only with in your power. Anyone that reads these blogs please leave me comments. Cards, call and comments help me get thru each day knowing God's prayer warriors and army are by my side.
Love to all! Cara Cares

My Journey!

4-16-08 Yesterday I learned that I have breast cancer. I thought what a better or more theraputic way to share my journey than to blog. Thursday I have an appointment with the surgeon to get the A-z's of what will be happening to me. I think I am still in a state of shock. So many things go thru your mind. You wonder will I be here to warch my children grow up, to celebrate another year with my husband, will I ever get to go to Mexico? The other part of me refuses to think that way. I have no choice I am not done here in this world and have so much left to accomplish. I am a 33 year old mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, niece and co worker.
I am strong and have to fight. I need each and every person in my life to be praying for me and giving me their strength on the days when I am sure I might not have any. I will be that survior and the inspiration that someone else will need this time next year. Love to all! Cara Cares!