Struggles

I know I have not blogged for a while but I must admit I have been struggling. Like a long time doctor said to me yesterday I am at the bottom of a muddy waterfall holding an umbrella and my umbrella is breaking. This dr has taken care of me since 1995 and I worked for her. I had changed dr's for a few months because this dr moved to Mansfield and the distance is far. However when push comes to show I need her on my side. I was feeling very bad yesterday and my new dr's office told me they were too busy to see me. Well needless to say I will not be going back to that dr. Let's see to all docs teach your staff priorities!! I also since I was in Mansfield stopped by to see my Chiropractor Brother in law and he helped fix me up. I am feeling better than yesterday. I am out of bed and not in extreme pain. So when all else fails go back to who you know and trust. I have also been struggling with the whole hair thing first of all I do not have the 450.00 to pay for the wig that I really feel comfortable with. The others that the insurance will cover look like Barbie. FAKE!!! The sermon at church was a good one on Sunday. It was about how we take care of our body which is really 16 buckets of water and i bucket of God made mud. So we are one big mud pit. What do we do to take care of our eternal soul. Someday when I am gone hopefully many years from now I want people to say wow she was so caring, kind, giving and strong. Most of all loved her children and husband like no other! Had many wonderful friendships that she took time to nurture and grow. I strive to be a person that God will welcome into the pearly gates and be proud of. Live each day to the fullest. Turn off the TV and sit in the back yard and watch your children's smiling faces. It is priceless!!
Love to all!
Cara Cares

Chemo

I see the chemo dr next Wednesday. I also moved my wig appt to then. We are going to do a garage sell to help get some bills paid this weekend. It is kind of just a waiting game right now.
There is so much to say just really tired right know. I am going to go lay down.

Love to all!
Cara Pelerose

I do not know what to title this one!!

Bobby and I went to the surgeon yesterday to get my stitches out. She showed me my pathology which was that my cancer was not just infiltating but invasive carcinoma. That means it was spreading to the breast tissue and not contained in the ducts from what I understand.
I will do chemo first then radiation. I was told that I will loose my hair. I made an appointment for a wig shop on Saturday since the dr. office said it is better to do before you loose your hair.
Then as my middle sister pointed out to me that you loose ALL your hair not just on your head.
Eyebrows and eyelashes, etc. I am going to be really upset if I loose my hair on my head then still have to shave my legs! I do not understand what is happening to my body. My sugars levels, kidney, liver, thyroid and auto immune levels are all out of wack. I am 33 years old you have to be kidding me. My job I have always said is to be cute and sell my business. I also wanted to loose weight. Well be careful first what you wish for then understand what should really matter to you and not be so vain. As my middle sister pointed out sugar feeds cancer. Do you realize that we are killing ourselves everyday by the things we put in our mouths? Wake up America there is a reason why we are finding more and more people have cancer now then before. My trips to the donut shop before a soccer game set me up for a potentially fatal disease. My daughter came in the house yesterday and was drinking a soda. I yelled dump it out. She said why I do not have cancer and I said exactly. Reverse the damage that has been done and feed your body with healthy nutrients so you are able to enjoy your kids and not battle the all consuming cancer. It is also amazing that so many people are so sincere and supportive but there are these few that are really just stupid. They say the most jaw dropping stuff. I was talking to one of my kids friends mother's yesterday who did not know I had cancer. She was also going thru this with her brother. She got on my like I was her child because I was upset that I was going to loose my hair. She is just weird. I wanted to say loose your hair and see how you feel. I am sure I will come out of this and realize that this is a small price to pay. Some how I am not there yet. Okay I feel better!
Love to all!
Cara Cares "about her hair so what"

Margins are clear

Yes I got the news that my margins are clear. I will meet with my surgeon on Tuesday to find out what medical oncologist I will go to for my chemo and radiation. Please pray for our family as we go into this next phase and that I will be well enough to work. I need to work and have to work.

Love to all!
Cara Cares

Waiting to hear

I am at home recovering. I am waiting to hear that the surgeon got clear margins or not. I know that it has not spread to my lymph nodes but I want to hear that they got it all. If all is clear then I can start either my chemo or radiation in a few weeks. If one margin is not clear then I have to return to surgery and try to clear that margin. If more than one is not clear we will have to talk about mastectomy and breast reconstruction. Which any of those scenarios would delay my treatment. So I am faithful that they got it all and I am going to get started on my treatments. I am ready to move on with this and get it over with. It will be a rough year but a rough year to have many more with my family is worth it. I think I have spoken to everyone but if I have not I apologize. The last few days are a blur. I know my husband and my mother called many of you. You are each special to me. Make sure keep your perspective in life and your eyes wide open. Surround yourself with positive people who will bring you up and be by your side in times of need. I am very fortunate and realized how lucky I am thru this all.
Love to all!
Cara Cares

THE BIG DAY!!!

Today is the day that GOD will reveal that he has isolated my cancer to the breast. I am faithful in his plan and trust in him fully. Bobby and I went to a church yesterday that I feel I was being lead too. They very unique thing is I was told to walk out during praise and worship and ask about prayer needs. Two ladies walked up and wanted to pray for me right then and now. To make a long story short one of the ladies is a breast cancer survivor and had the same Dr as me.
She was not going to come to church but something told her to come yesterday. What miracles can happen if we just listen and be faithful. I love each and everyone of you for your support. I am going to get ready to leave and get this cancer out of me named romut. Tumor spelled backwards. I will be rid of it. I have made peace with a lot of things going in this surgery so I can allow myself to fully heal. There was one area holding me back. At the sermon yesterday the pastor spoke that one on God commandments was to love one another. We do not get to choose it is one of his commandments and we have to obey if we are faithful. So now I have let go of my anger and resentment towards this person still have my boundaries up but I forgive him. This way I can be complete to heal and love my husband, my children all nine and my many wonderful friends. God Bless you all!
Love to all!
Cara Cares

Hard day Reality check

Well the day started off with some work then i took care of getting my will in order just because it has to be done with so many kids. I did fine all day till I went to my pre op appointment. It was very difficult to hear the MANY variables and the reality of what I am going to have to endure. I held it together there then at the chest xray and the additional blood work. I had to do more because my sub acute thyroiditis is acting up. My sugars are up and down and my feet and hands are swelling. My energy level is very low but I am maintaining a steady work pace.
Bobby and I left the hospital. Bobby had to go per the Dr. because the spouse needs to understand my care for the first few days. I came home and was okay then I just lost it I cried and cried. I have been so strong but today was just one of those down days. I have been thru so much in my life. Why me I am a young mother of 5? I just could not deal and I asked Bobby if I could just leave the house for a little bit. Alexa and I went and spent time together. She is so stuck to me side right now. I think she at 5 senses something is not okay with her mommy. Jake came up to me today and just hugged me and actually cried for the first time since I told him. I need so many prayers. I do not wan to blog about the bad outcomes but the best case. We need prayer for clear margins and clear lymph nodes. Please pray and spread the word. I have never been so afraid in my life as I am right now. I need you all your comment and emails. Your support is what will pull me thru this very difficult time in my life. Please PRAY!!!!
Love to all!
Cara Cares