A get a way!

Yesterday started to be a really not so great day. I was just very emotional and just venting. A lot of it is the steroids getting out of my system and I am about to start radiation. Which I have heard is easier then chemo but still unknown territory for me. I was also not expecting the tattoo needle sticks. (Let me say the needle is way larger than a tattoo needle) You are marked on the sternum and on your sides. I had heard on Thursday someone else had gone through it and said how painful it was. I was not a wimp!! Well back to my point. Two very good friends of ours booked Bobby and I a room to stay in at a very upscale hotel for the weekend. We check in today and do not check out till Monday. I am sooo excited some much needed R & R and alone time for us. We love the kids very much but we do need mommy and daddy time too. I am so grateful to our friends. WE LOVE YOU GIRLS!!!!! We are going to CHILL OUT!!! If you try to call us and you do not have our kids then do not expect a phone call back. We love you but we need this time. We will call you Tuesday. Thank you to everyone for being so supportive through this entire journey. It lifts my spirits to see the website counter go up each day.

Love to all,
Cara Cares

Almost to the weekend

Well I am very happy tomorrow is Friday. This is a very stressful week. All the dr. bills are really adding up. The bills have to be paid to get the care I need but we also have to eat. I just erased and entire paragraph. I was venting and I decided to write about something positive. The kids started school this week. Alyssa went into 9th grade and is loving it. She is making some great improvements and I am very proud of her. She is doing her homework and very interested in her classes. Jake started 4th grade and is doing very well. He is the first to have his homework done. He said his teacher is very nice. The only issue he has is that he may run into his little sister in the hallway. Alexa loves her teacher she is so nice. Alexa did come home the second day upset because the teacher kept her supplies. Alexa wanted to keep her Hannah Montana pencil bag and Alexa was afraid the teacher would loose it. Alexa has lost two teeth. Can the tooth fairy file bankruptcy? Anthony and Bella are doing well at home. I think Lulu is lonely without all the kids but I know the two little ones keep her busy. Just a note at the end. Please say a prayer I still can not completely get rid of this headache. I need God's mercy right now.

Love to all,
Cara Cares

saying for the day

Smile it is cheap therapy!!

Babies off to school on Monday

Well today I got up at 8am( Yes all kids stayed asleep!!!) and went to the store to finish the kids school supplies. I can not believe my oldest will be in high school and one starts kindergarten. Monday is going to be busy getting 3 of the 5 off to school. It feels like everyday I am on run mode. Bobby took Alexa and Anthony to Alexa's soccer practice. I am actually sitting here the house is clean, laundry done and I am relaxing. Of course I have to go back to the store because I did not realize in my rush mode that there was 3 not 1 or 4 not 1 next to several of the items. Cara SLOW DOWN!! Oh well it is bad when the cashier knows you on a first name basis.
An update on the headache. It is still there a little each day. Worse with the wig. I have managed to stay off steroids this time. My chiropractor and her massage staff are awesome. I use my last visit next week and then my insurance does not pay anymore. Do not know what I am going to do. I will put it in God's hands and I am sure it will work out. I am excited because this week starts a new class at church. Keeping peace when the enemies attack. What a God given class that has our names all over it. My therapist and I discussed that this week. I am all about calm. I hope everyone is having a good weekend. Call me sometime let's do lunch!!

Love to all,
Cara Cares

Breast Cancer

I came across a qoute today that I love.

"Breast cancer does not define me as a woman but the fight...does!"

Love to all!
Cara Cares

Headache again

Well the headache strikes again. I got off the steroids on Saturday thinking I am doing fine but then a headache hit Monday afternoon. I spoke with my doctor office and the solution was of course back on steroids. I am not going to do that. It is very hard on the body. I am going to try chiropractic today and see if I get relief naturally first. I have been able to manage the headache somewhat but it is still there. If that does not work then I guess I have no choice. There are so many things going on right now. One that is a surprise to me but not really is when one ex family member told me breast cancer patients usually do not survive long term past 15 years. What a hateful and nasty statement to say to someone. They want to accuse me of being bitter and angry well look in the mirror!! Another one called and asked me how long I had to live. Chill out I am not going any where!! If you truly cared you would of already of known that. God is protecting me and I have beat this thing and will continue to beat it!
I also have my dad heavy on my heart right now. 9-2-08 is the day I start Radiation and marks the year anniversary of my dad's death. I am sad that there is still no marker on his grave. There was a mix up at the funeral home and basically 1500.00 is still owed to lay his and his wife's joint marker. My dad went through life feeling like no one cared about him and he always got the short end of the stick. This is just the icing on the cake. I can not believe that still in the middle of this battle people would attack me. I could never be so mean and cruel to someone. Please say a prayer for me today and I will say one for you.

Love to all,
Cara Cares

Almost through the last part of chemo reactions

Well I have problems as you can tell sleeping after my chemo treatments. Plus the fact that I have a lot going on and there are not enough hours in the day. I find this time of morning when the kids are still sleeping for me to take care of my daily planning and last minute things I need to wrap up. Today I have to work and enroll little princess Alexa in school. She is so excited. Lat night she took a tape measure around the house and measured everything she could possibly measure. She is so smart I have no doubt she will do very well in school. Jake won a $20.00 gift card from camp this summer he tied for first place in saying his bible versus. He said he can not wait to get back in school to get his straight A's. I have been working very hard to set up Alyssa's schedule to start 9th grade. I believe we have a great plan in place that she can thrive on and be very successful this year. She is soo Artistic that the academics tend not to be her strong point but Artistically she blows everyone out of the water. She plans when she graduates to study overseas. Wells see! Mommy has to do alot of therapy about that one. LOL
I am very excited about our church. On August 24th a class starts about Overcoming the Enemies of Peace. Well anyone that knows our past know that we need all the help we can get to keep our boundaries up maintain peace from our past lives. It ought to be a rewarding and meaningful experience. Plus the fact that my husband is all for it. I know am am sure you are all sick of how wonderful Bobby is but he is do get over it! I hope all of you are well and each of you are in our prayers as you struggle through your own battles. We also ask to please keep our family in your prayers.

Love to all,
Cara Cares

Each day is getting better.

I got a message from the radiation nurse today I start radiation on Sept 2nd. I also have my genetic testing Sept 16 which the results should be in by my surgery. I am busy being a mom, wife, working and friend these days. Trying to get kids ready for school and get all the appointments that need to be done before the school year starts is tough. Somehow us mothers just do it along with great fathers. Bobby is one of a kind. He is such my partner in life I am still so amazed that we mesh so well together and can accomplish so much. We are planning some R&R time soon for just the two of us and I can not wait. We have been through so much we need and deserve it. Bobby I am sure the thoughtful one that he is will plan the most carefully thought out cost efficient plan ever. However I think I am going to take the lead on this one and surprise him. He has taken care of me and the kids for three years now with no complaint. He has stood by my side like no one ever has before. If anyone has any suggestions for a weekend getaway please do share. Anyone that knows us understands how much this man loves me and how much I love him.

Love to all,
Cara Cares

I am making it!

I had a rough start today not feeling so well but needed to work so I did. It is easier each time. I am glad they finally got the chemo from where it was the first time to where it is now but I am glad I am done. Well with chemo anyway. I have to say I am sooo proud of myself and feel like I can do anything now. Someone asked me if I was scared about my hysterectomy I said no I have God on my side. I really have come so far. We have so many choices in our lives. We can choose to crawl in a corner and cry or stand up with courage, wisdom, happiness and faith. There are those people that have said some really cruel things during all of this and normally I probably would of replied but now it is just not worth my time or energy. I have so much to live for and so much I want to give back. There is a lady in my office that had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. The strange thing is her surgery was Friday the last day of my chemo. My first thought was God put me through this so I could be there to help her. She called me today to ask questions and I told her I would be there for her. I have learned this big world of breast cancer survivors is like a sister hood. We all forever share a bond that is life long. We are truly the only one's that understand each other. Even though I am not at the end of my treatments I feel so good about where I am with myself. I looked back over the weekend at my blogs and just WOW. Thank you God for giving my soooo much!

Love to all,
Cara Cares

Pictures of the last chemo

Hi, It's Chelley, Cara's techno-enhanced sister.  Yea, Cara's technically challenged.  She wanted these pictures of her last chemo session and her cute "Save the Ta-Tas" shirt.

Toodles,

Chelley

For CARA

CHEMO FINISHED!!!!!!! I am soo excited

Well today was a great and long day. I went to work for just a little bit, then saw my therapist with Alyssa. Then I went to chemo. Bobby and I had a VERY long conversation with my doctor about the future plans and what is next. pro's vs con's. He told me I was a trooper and he was worried I would not come back after the first chemo hospitalized me. He did say I warned him I am that 1%. I held true to my word. I also feel so lucky to have come through this so strong. I wore my save the Ta-Ta's shirt a friend gave me, my short hip hop wig with a pink Harley Davidson wrap a friend gave me. I had my beautiful bracelet from my mother in law. and my breast cancer necklace from friends. I have been so blessed I feel like the hard part is over. Bobby brought in sugar cookies with pink icing and my mom stayed there with me. We made it!!!!!! I can get off these steroids in a week and return to normal size!! Everyone says I am skinner but my face hands, feet etc are swollen. Oh Yeah Bella Finally said MAMA today. I got so excited and said AWW you said MAMA and she looked at my with a very cute grin and said DADA. However later today my mom heard her say MAMA several times. I can not say thank you enough to each and everyone of you that have stayed by my side. By the holidays good times!!!

Love to all,
Cara Cares

FINAL CHEMO TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay I am up early ready to go and get this last chemo over with. It has been a journey to say the least. I have had so many emotions, thoughts, physical changes and spiritual growth. The different emotions I have had started with anger and then progressed to acceptance, understanding, changing my perspective on life, celebrating! I look at so many of the other chemo patients I have gotten to know through this all and feel so sorry for what they have had to endure. I have been surrounded by so many supportive people that I would never expected to stand by my side. It really shows you everything with eyes wide open. I go in today knowing that I am through this part of the journey and have a little more to go with radiation and the hysterectomy but looking forward to the holidays. I know my VERY patient family will be glad to get me off the steroids the doctors use to control my headaches. :)
I will be glad to get off them and all the swelling to go down. I thank God I have had a job where everyone has been so kind and supportive of me. I thank God for all of my friends who have stood by even though I have not been the best friend to them through this all. Often withdrawing just because I did not feel good. To our whole family who has called and supported me. To my children who have loved me and looked at me no differently. They were always there and just knew when I needed a hug. To my Hubby who probably has had to endure the most he had to see me at happy times and my worst of times. Raw emotion!! How hard for him in our first few years of marriage to deal with this and help raise the kids and work to support us. He did it though. Thank God we have a church and a therapist!! When I started this blog my hope was to help one person get through a difficult time and know they were not alone. I really feel that God has done so much more. I am excited to see what the future holds. Well I have to head to work for a few hours. Then I see the chemo Dr at 11:00am and chemo at 12:00pm. Again, Thank you to everyone who prayed, brought meals, helped financially, sent emails and sent cards. You all mean so much to me and I am forever grateful!!!

Love to all,
Cara Cares

Happy 2nd B-day to our Anthony!!!

Happy b-day Ant!!! It is hard to believe that our little miracle baby is 2 years old today. It just seems like yesterday that Bobby and I got the shock of our life. The first baby born after a uterine ablation. He has so many great traits from me of course and so many bad ones from his daddy. HA HA He is such a BOY!!! Wild, crazy, hyper and spitfire. I am so not use to it after having my sweet and calm Jake. It is never dull with Anthony around. I am sure that when he figures out how to hang from he ceiling he will. All kidding aside I and we fell so blessed to have him in our lives. He is a miracle in every sense of the word. He is so loving and caring yet will stand up for himself against his siblings. He most of the time gets the best of them all. He dribbles a soccer ball like no other 2 year old I have ever seen. He is like a recorder and says everything we say. He gets on the phone to talk with Grandparents and says WOW that's cool and ooh WOW! He just carries on a full conversation just in the last two weeks. His Nona in Canada loves that she can talk with him and understand him. Grandma and Papa here he tells them he wants to come to their house and pack. Then he reminds Papa that he wants gum. I know GUM blame PAPA. Anthony what an Italian if the Soprano's were still on I am sure they would create a character for this little pistol. Happy b-day our baby Ant!!

Love to all,
Cara Cares

Few days till final chemo!!! YEAH!!

Well this Friday will be my last chemo. The only bad thing is the steroids I am on to control the headaches have caused me to swell and my doctor said he is going to reduce the dose this time so I will not have any long term effects of the steroids. So lets have tons of payers that God will guide me through his last chemo headache free. After I finish chemo in 3 weeks Radiation will start and that will be 5 days a week for 6 1/2 weeks. Then Tamoxifen for five years. I am so ready to be back to normal. Thank God Bobby loves me. The first of November will be the hysterectomy granted that the biopsy I had last week turns out okay. Which I have faith it will. I am not sleeping well lately I think I just have so much on my mind. The kids are getting ready to go back to school and Alexa will get to go this year she is so excited. She got her Hannah Montana school shoes and is very happy. I think this will be great for her. She is so eager to learn. She should do fine as long as she is the princess. Reality Check possible!!!

Love to all!
Cara Cares

TGIF!!!!!

Well the week is over. I have to work a little tomorrow to finish out the month. Not complaining I am thankful for the work. After that Alyssa and I are going to see our therapist and spend sometime together. I saw my neurologist and the 3rd chemo was migraine free! Slight headache but that was it. The doctor gave me a three month pass depending on how the 4th chemo goes. He told me that if the migraines are chemo induced then we will know shortly and if not then he will put me on a migraine management program. I also have to get regular chiropractic care and massages to correct a disc problem in my back. Oh man that is going to be hard massages. Of course money can be an issue so we will see what we can do. It is nice to at least think about it. My husband is very kind and rubs my back for me. He is so sweet I am very lucky. I am also very lucky to have so many nice friends and people I work with. Everyone is so supportive and kind. I only hope someday I can return the favor. To those that I have not called very much I am so sorry. Life right now is just hectic. I have so much going on and there are not enough hours in the day. I do love each of you and please just be patient with me.

Love to all,
Cara Cares