Surgery consult day

Well I think reality set in last night. I had a meltdown. I really want to be strong and l know that all will be okay. It has to be I have 5 kids that need me here and a husband that loves me like no other. It is like I am watching the people I love crumble around me. Alyssa and Alexa cried several times last night. Alexa will not let me out of her sight. She wants to sleep in my room, go to work with me and just be held by me constantly. I try to give each of the kids the full support they need. I try to reassure them but I am sure they know their mommy is scared. Jake worries me because he is very withdrawn. Bobby seems to be falling apart right before my eyes. He is in the angry stage right now. Why my wife why her WHY??
I am not trying to be a bummer today but I really want to be honest each day with how I am feeling. Honestly this is the scariest thing I have ever dealt with. I want to reach in my body and pull this cancer out and be done with it. I prayed so hard last night with God that he would completely heal me. I truly think that God knows when we have had enough. I have had my fill. I just came thru two tough pregnancies that Bobby and I were told would ot make it. Well we had our faith and now have two beautiful babies. I will speak this each day until I am healed. God please give me the strength to get thru each day and be a blessing to someone each and everyday. God please heal my body and rid me of this cancer. God I am not finished here and I know you have more for me to do. I pray your annointing on me and your protective spirit on me thru each and every step I take. God help me this is only with in your power. Anyone that reads these blogs please leave me comments. Cards, call and comments help me get thru each day knowing God's prayer warriors and army are by my side.
Love to all! Cara Cares